RJ Riya Gajjar Blog No means No

A girl’s life is majorly divided into two-phase: before marriage and after marriage. A girl weaves a million dreams and has her own set of expectations when it comes to marriage. Not all of us are about that prince charming and white horse. But yes, there are certain qualities we all look for even I do.

As growing up being around my sisters, cousins, and girl-friends who were about to get married or were already married, I noticed one thing drastic changes in male’s behavior. All those honey-coated promises of ‘you come first’ and ‘your opinion matters’ takes a back seat when it comes to intimacy. We are often taught how to take care of the in-law’s family, their needs, husband’s needs, his opinion, his wishes, and so on… but what about a woman’s opinion and her wishes???

In the late 20s, as organizations started voicing their views for women’s safety, their rights, and crimes like rape against women, marital rape came into the limelight. Even though engaging in physical intimacy within marriage is regarded as a right of spouses, but engaging in such act without consent is now widely classified as rape in many societies around the world. Still many countries refuse to acknowledge its existence and are excluded from falling under criminal offense.

Why??? ‘Rape’ is rape and ‘NO’ is no whether it is told to a stranger or a loved one. It is really frustrating to see people divided on this opinion. A woman has every right to chose if she is yet ready for intimacy, she has to have a right, she is human how hard is it to understand?. I remember a friend of mine sharing her life story with me. She was suffering cuz of depression, fighting herself, and feeling lonely. She sought out help and consulted experts. In situations like this, her husband had to be the support system, which he initially was. She on a heavy sedative, trying her best to come out of the black hole of negative thoughts was also suddenly expected to comply with his husband’s sexual desire. And when she refused he masturbated right in of her. Imagine the traumatizing situation it must have been for her.

These are normal desires of human nature I totally understand that but are we this much dependent on that?. What makes it even worse is, when she has no one to listen to her or even to support her. If she tries to empty her heart out to other elder women in the family, she is asked to shut it and endure it. Because that’s what women are supposed to do in our country. This is your responsibility to pay heeds to your husband’s need, keep him happy, give birth, and live quietly, which is what we teach to our girls.

While in conversation with Advocate Sonal Joshi I came to know some dreading details on this subject. She told me that even when it is strictly instructed by doctors to husband and wives to avoid any kind of sexual activities be it while pregnancy or any other situation, husbands fails to do so. The women’s body already suffering and put to the torture to satisfy their lust. It is not like every man is like this, but still, this is the picture of every other bedroom.

And why there is no big talk on this? Because according to some high posted netas of our country think it is not worthy of their time and thought. “It is considered that the concept of marital rape, as understood internationally, cannot be suitably applied in the Indian context due to various factors like level of education or illiteracy, poverty, myriad social customs and values, religious beliefs, the mindset of the society to treat the marriage as a sacrament, etc,” Maneka Gandhi said in a written reply in the Rajya Sabha in response to a question on whether the government plans to criminalize marital rape.

This coming from known names really puts women in our country to shame and insecurity. How much more a woman needs to suffer for people to see them as human? Why we still do not have rigid law for marital rape?? . The trauma the torture is more when implicated by a loved one and it rips open the soul. We really want to fight for women’s equality and freedom lets start with our own homes. The ideology of imprinting husband as god needs a fact check.